i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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