That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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