I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
