Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
