College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
