I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
