I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
