weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
