Please, let me fuck your mom
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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