I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
