I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
