K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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