your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
