i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
