i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
