Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
