dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
