bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
