Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
