She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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