I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
