I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
