is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
