Sry I called you an 8
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
