R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
