They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
