The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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