Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
