Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
