I got chris browned last night
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
