Will you blow on my dice?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just cut my nipple shaving
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
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I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
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It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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