she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
