Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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