What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
