This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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