If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Im part way to drunk.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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