This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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