Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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