Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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