dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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