We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I still have a little drunk in my system
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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