No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
