my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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