dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
