Joe is yelling at the trees again.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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