You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
