Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
