I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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