apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
