I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
