I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
