my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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