Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I believe in your delicious
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
