My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
