how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
