someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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