Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
