You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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