he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
