i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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