I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't deserve a penis
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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