my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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