why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
