Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
