Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
