he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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